I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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