Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I queefed so loud it echoed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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