Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
