I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
