It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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