Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
