my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
