Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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