I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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