Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
