i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
