$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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