Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
