I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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