Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
