I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
