We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
