so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My underwear smells like fireworks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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