I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
