he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My vagina is officially offended.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
