hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
