you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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