i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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