I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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