I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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