I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
