make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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