this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
