i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
