roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
