Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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