I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
