There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
