She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
