Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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