omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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