shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
