so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
