Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They took my balls.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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