And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
