You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
