I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
