I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
