Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize