i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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