nutella sex= disaster
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
