Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am naked and annoyed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
