It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
