youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
