its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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