Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
