i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This toilet bowl is my home.
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