so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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