I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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