I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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