I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
