i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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