I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
