Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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