Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My pussy is not your playground.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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